There is a lot of pain in the world…and, a lot of pain in our own lives. Accidents, loved ones dying, natural disasters, abuse, and emotional chaos are just some of the ways we experience pain.
When someone is in pain, simply cheering them on, telling them to be strong, or even telling them it is time to get over their pain or loss is not effective. Also not helpful — telling them that they have so much to be grateful for, and they just need to shake off the pain.
Making the pain wrong, or believing it shouldn’t be happening, is fighting reality and gets you stuck in a crushing loop of avoidance that keeps you from healing. Pretending the pain isn’t there or isn’t a big deal doesn’t work either, because when you bury pain, it will be triggered again and again, at the least convenient times possible, and will keep blowing up your life…until you deal with it.
It may seem counterintuitive, but the most effective way to get rid of pain is to let yourself FEEL the pain (even if your first instinct is to run the other way). Feeling the pain and bringing acceptance, compassion and loving kindness to it is HEALING. This is as true for traumatic losses as it is for little hurts.
If someone is struggling because they see how they have been hurt or abused, acknowledging their pain and not trying to fix it, change it, or even make it right, is the first step to healing. Much of the pain we experience in this world, can’t be made “right”.
The next step is to bring pure loving kindness and acceptance to those places of held pain. When you do this, you are meeting the held emotional charges that keep people locked in pain and allow healing to begin.
How to heal pain: Acknowledge the pain within yourself, or others, and bring compassion and understanding to it.
How to not heal pain: Avoid acknowledging the pain within yourself, or others, and distract, pretend you/they aren’t hurting, and deny there is anything wrong.
It takes great courage to face mental, emotional and even physical pain. After all, that is something you may have spent years, decades or lifetimes avoiding. If you are going through pain, keep going. Avoiding, pretending, and denying it is there will only leave you feeling disconnected and unhappy.
The most effective way to get rid of pain is to FEEL the pain.
Feeling the pain, and ultimately going beyond it, brings you to a pure connection of infinite love.
Meeting your pain makes space for intimate connections with others. You can’t make intimate connections with others while you’re avoiding the intimacy of seeing your own pain. For example, if you haven’t dealt with anger, you will either shut down or explode in the presence of someone else’s anger. Once you meet the pain of anger and do your work, you will heal your relationship with anger and you will be able to have a healthier experience with anger — yours or anyone else’s. Meeting pain opens you up to living a juicy and connected life where you get to be happy.
This world is a world of illusion. Behind every painful experience is deep, transformational love. You deserve more love, not less.