Crappy relationships aren’t a life sentence. They’re an invitation to see what’s coming up for you to heal.
Once you name the key issues, you can focus on what you need to do to heal. Doing your healing work gives you the connection you’ve been hungry for … a connection with yourself.
“Relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness.
They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.”
~ Eckhart Tolle
Years ago, when I first heard this quote from Eckhart Tolle, MY BRAIN EXPLODED.💜💥💜
I’d never thought of my relationships that way before.
My pain and unhappiness?
Not someone else’s fault?
Not someone else’s job to change?
I suddenly saw things totally different. I was suffering in my relationships because I was in them. I was wasting ridiculous amounts of time wanting others to change so THEN I could be happy. Ooops.
It made complete sense that I wanted THEM to change, so I wouldn’t have to face the scary prospect of changing myself. 🙄
You may not realize that all of your relationships are a reflection of your relationship with yourself.
Of course, it’s wonderful to have fun, healthy connections with others, and yet, you’re limited in your ability to do that without knowing your self-worth.
If you over-focus on finding a special relationship that makes you feel complete, you may think you found it at first. But then — reality. 🤣 You find yourself wanting them to be different than they are. Wanting someone else to make you happy makes you vulnerable to their behavior. And that leaves you feeling depleted, desperate, and trying to control things you can’t.
If you’re triggered in your relationships, it’s time to get curious and dig deeper.
Sink into your relationship with self-worth. When you’re triggered, it’s the perfect time to notice:
- What are the stories and beliefs about the pain you’re experiencing?
- What wounds are showing up for you to heal?
If you base your happiness on whether someone changes or stays the same, you’re giving your power away. It’s like investing in a crapshoot — where you’re investing in lots of crap. 🤣💩🙄
Your happiness isn’t anyone else’s responsibility.
As the poet John O’Donohue once said,
“If you don’t look out for your inner life, nobody else can. People live in this private inner world but they usually take all their furniture for it from outside from other people and things.”
Of course, it feels great to find people you love to be around. But when you understand why you feel the way you do, you can feel good no matter what others do. It’s all about your relationship with yourself.
Personal responsibility is your way to personal empowerment. 🙌💜🎉
It took me a LONG time to realize that I teach people how to treat me.
If someone isn’t treating you the way you want them to, what will you do about it?
Make today the day that you start choosing yourself.