After college, I recreated my childhood normal by marrying an emotionally unavailable man and desperately trying to get his time, attention, and love.
Around him, I felt just like I did when I was growing up with my rageful, deeply disconnected father.
There were happy times, but for the most part, I walked on eggshells and felt abandoned and rejected all over the place. Even if I did get his nod of approval, it was never enough.
It was every bit as painful and f*cked up as it sounds. But, it wasn’t because of him.
I was struggling in my relationship because I was in it.
Let’s be clear, you do NOT deserve to be abused, but if you’re struggling in your relationships, you’re the problem, too.
- Even when you cook your spouse dinner every night and listen intently to them ranting about their boss, but they cheat on you with their secretary.
- Even when your mother nitpicks your parenting decisions and goes behind your back to feed your children ice cream every night.
- Even when your nosey neighbor Edna overhears your argument and tells everyone in the neighborhood you’re unhinged.
If you’re feeling neglected, unloved, pissed off, abandoned, and/or rejected by everyone in your life (even when it feels totally different depending on the relationship), you’re the common factor.
You’re the problem. And doing your work is the solution.
Because when you’re struggling in your relationships, it’s an invitation to lean in and do your work.
Rita ❤️
P.S. If you’re ready to lean in and do your work, but you aren’t ready to face your patterns alone, join us inside Journey to Your Center. It’s the safest place for you to name truth, surrender the bullshit lies keeping you stuck, and bring compassion to yourself exactly as you are—which will change every relationship in your life for the better (even when no one in your life changes).
