How to find freedom in forgiveness?

Oct 29, 2020 | Choice, Forgiveness, Time to Heal

It’s common in life to have your feelings hurt 🤕, feel deep betrayal, or even desperately need to forgive yourself … or others.

My Dad was a master teacher for me on this one. Sadly, since he was abused as a child, he spent most of his life abandoning and rejecting those close to him first, so they couldn’t abandon and reject him down the line.

Later in life, Dad got Alzheimer’s and he forgot to be afraid and angry. It was amazing watching Dad open to love without pushing it all away. As a child, he had formed his definition of what love was. That wasn’t love. 💔

Before I knew better, I kept trying to convince Dad to love me, so THEN I could feel lovable. It’s what my Mom played out with Dad. It’s what I was taught.

I thought that I needed Dad’s love to prove that I was worthy and lovable. Later, I transferred that misunderstanding to other men. 😢

Eventually, I learned that Dad was acting out of his own woundedness. 💔

That’s all he could do. Since Dad wasn’t able to work through the pain from his past, he lived through the lens of feeling abandoned, rejected, and disappointed, and then, he got Alzheimers.

Through doing my work, I saw how Dad was severely haunted by a past he refused to talk about.  At times, dark clouds enveloped him as he became someone to be feared. He was not emotionally healthy. I came to know that underneath his stored trauma he hated himself and projected that hatred onto those closest to him.

Through the contrast, Dad taught me that loving myself is essential. 💜💜💜

Without loving myself, I couldn’t truly love anyone else. What a major misunderstanding … all the time and energy I spent believing that I wasn’t lovable unless a man loved me. My heart melts in compassion for the younger version of me who spent oodles of time and energy convincing emotionally unavailable men that I was lovable. 🤦🏻

Thinking that Dad should be or act any different than he did caused me enormous pain. By doing my work, I released the charged emotions, opened to forgiving Dad, and ultimately forgave myself for this massive misunderstanding.

Forgiveness gave me the freedom to have a new experience with my Dad, and I also got to bring this new way of thinking into all of my relationships.

Finally, I was free from taking actions or inactions of others personally.

Love can’t exist without truth.
Truth can’t exist without awareness.
Awareness gave me choices I never knew were possible.

I learned pain and struggle is the gift!!! 🎁💝

Now, my heart bursts open with gratitude for my life exactly as it was and is. As a child, and during my adult struggles, I NEVER saw that coming. If it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you too.

Along the way, I did forgive my Dad. I saw his innocence of living through pain and bullshit life had thrown at him. He was unable to move past the pain and just kept throwing it on people he loved. Doing his work wasn’t something Dad ever figured out. 🤞

Forgiveness gave me my mental health. It freed me from getting stuck in emotional trauma, injustice or abuse.

I’m so glad I figured out a way to be free. ✌️

You know who else gets to be free? Whoever damn well decides to lean into forgiveness (of self & others).

My friend, I don’t care what you have or haven’t experienced in your life. I don’t care what you think your limitations to forgiveness are. If you don’t make peace with your past, you can’t have peace today. 🕊️

You’re a vibrant, powerful, luscious human being waiting to free up more space in your life. 🦄

And you don’t have to figure the shit out alone, let’s do this together.


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Rita is an Intuitive Counselor who works with bright sensitive people who are sick of struggling in their relationships and want to make the pain go away. Though her in-person and online intimate healing retreats and one-on-one sessions, she has helped thousands of people quiet the noise, move forward, and make peace with their past and their present, so that they can heal, be happier, and live a life they love.

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