I often see people who are crushed when someone else does not value or respect them for who they are, or for what they have or have not done. Thinking that you don’t have any value unless someone else validates you is painful, as it equates to giving your power away to others.
Reflecting on my younger self, I see how I wanted, chased, and begged my ex-husband to love and value me. As a child, I did the same with my father, vying for his approval. It was what I was taught to do. At the time, it was impossible for me to understand that their unhappiness had nothing to do with me, and that their anger was not about me. I was in an insane cycle of trying to please others and prove to them that I was lovable, then exploding in anger at the frustration of not being seen, heard, or valued, and ending with feeling large doses of guilt. Then the cycle would start all over again. I did not understand that I desperately wanted them to love and value me, even though I did not love and value myself. I needed to heal core beliefs about myself that were never true, but that I had accepted as true, without ever knowing that I had them.
I could have sped up the process of self-love a zillion times faster had I known and worked through this core truth…
“I am valuable, whether someone else values me or not.”
When you believe someone else determines your value, you are giving away the keys to your castle. Even if you get approval from someone that you have sought it from your entire life, the feeling of goodness won’t last and it won’t heal your core issue of not valuing yourself. This is the core work of our lives. Learning to trust yourself, finding value in yourself independent of what others think or say. That is freedom. Honoring the core of your being and satisfying the part of you that hungers for acceptance, through accepting your life exactly the way it is, is the keystone of a peaceful, joyful life.
You deserve to find meaning in your everyday life and to bring your beautiful heart into your experience of life. If you don’t know what that means or how to do it, be gentle with yourself. It is all a part of your journey. Life continually invites you to continue your exploration of yourself and to try on new things.
The good news is:
“It is not anyone else’s job to love, value and respect you. It is YOUR job to love, value and respect yourself!”