How often do you find yourself stewing over that crappy thing that happened – imagining what you could have said – but didn’t.
Or
You wanted (and deserved) a place at the meeting table but acquiesced to others.
Or
You hid your true feelings in a relationship to keep the status quo or avoid scaring away the other person.
Feels like ass, right?
- Being the chameleon who morphs into whatever you think people want you to be.
- Taking up as little space as possible in people’s lives so they don’t judge you.
- Shrinking yourself physically and verbally to make other people feel more comfortable.
So, why do you do these things?
- Why don’t you give yourself permission to express your authentic feelings?
- Why do you put others before yourself?
- How do you rise up and live a life where you’re comfortable taking up space – both with your body and your voice?
You can’t rise up until you’re done arguing for your limitations. Uh huh – the ones you don’t even know are there.
For example …
If you had an emotionally volatile or neglectful parent, you might have come to believe early on that you don’t deserve to be heard or to have needs.
That little kid in you learned how to survive by making herself small. And you unknowingly carried that behavior right on into adulthood.
Society, your parents, your workplace … They told you in different ways – covertly and not-so-covertly – that you don’t matter and shouldn’t take up space.
This is a lie … and you believed it. Oops!
All of this led to you living in fear – afraid and apologizing for your existence. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
Sounds crazy. I know.
All that stuff was (and is) lurking below your conscious mind. And it keeps showing up in your life in painful ways.
But you can’t see the truth.
Until you do.
So, how do you find the strength to see what’s real?
Before you can rise up, you have to see that you’re down.
I fell to the deepest depths I had ever known when my 9-day-old daughter Amy died.
From that agonizing place, I couldn’t function. I was numb.
My priority was tending to Amy’s surviving twin sister Julia as she precariously fought to live. I also tended to my sons best I could.
All the other balls in my life dropped: Work (as the major breadwinner). Friendships. Self care. Household duties. Everything.
All that stuff I thought mattered fell by the wayside.
My point is there was no rising up … until I could breathe a little easier as my daughter Julia stabilized.
Eventually, I could see what was real. What mattered. And what I’d been doing to sabotage myself for so long.
I could finally see all the shit I had thought mattered – didn’t. I became more solid in what really mattered.
I see it all the time with clients. When they finally have a safe place in their lives (children raised, away from the abuse of their childhood home, financially secure) … THEN and only then can they start to breathe deep.
And once they do so, the past pain that they haven’t dealt with often surprisingly and inconveniently comes up for them to heal.
Then and only then can they rise up and begin to take up the space they deserve.
YES, crisis can be a powerful catalyst for good – a tipping point.
Painful as it is, crisis can help you to walk through previously unopened doors so you can discover a whole new perspective.
Often, that’s the experience you need to let your house of cards fall so you can stop playing small.
Rising up isn’t something that’s done as an instant impulse to hop back in the saddle.
You’re living out a subjective experience that only you know – with emotions, feelings, thoughts, memories, ideas, hopes, and fears.
You have to unlearn all those small-making behaviors that you’ve lived for so long.
When you finally have the safe space – along with the courage to roll up your sleeves and process the past – THEN you can begin to heal and transform yourself and your experiences in life … even when the people in your life don’t change.
Sharing your emotions, feelings, thoughts, memories, ideas, hopes, and fears with yourself (naming them outloud or in a journal) is a good first step toward awareness.
To rise up, you first need to recognize that things could be different and even better than they are.
With that awareness, you can begin taking steps to get more comfortable taking up space. You choose. You decide. And you act in ways that honor your truth, or at least begin to notice when you aren’t.
So, try challenging yourself with things like this:
- Resist the impulse to step aside when someone is walking toward your space on the sidewalk.
- Send back the meal at a restaurant when it arrives incorrectly instead of settling for what you got.
- When you walk into a room, be aware of your physical stance … shoulders back, standing tall, making good eye contact. (When you view yourself as small, others do too.)
- Speak your thoughts and feelings without apologizing.
As Shonda Rhimes (writer of Grey’s Anatomy and Inventing Anna) says,
“Your only job is for you to decide that every room you are in is a room that you belong in, and to remain there. I always think that’s the most important thing – to feel like you belong in every room you’re in.”
The more you rise up and the more you take up space, the easier it gets.
- How often have you felt like you belong in every room? Or not?
- What messages have you gotten in your life about the appropriate way to love, to express yourself, to exist?
- How has that influenced your ability to take up space?
Recognize there are times when it will be easy – and times when it will take real bravery to rise up.
But always, always, always, know … making yourself small and quiet doesn’t make the world a better place.
You were never meant to live a small, apologetic life.
You can choose to obey and oblige those limiting beliefs by not talking, trusting, or feeling
OR
You can choose to RISE UP and TAKE UP SPACE exactly where you are and as you are.
Once you know that, nothing can stop you.
In the Journey to Your Center membership site, you’ll find over a year’s worth of mind-blowing content with powerful techniques, videos, meditations, and coaching to help you hone your skills and change your life –– all in the freaking best way possible. ❤️🤯❤️
And each month we add new topics, Inner Circle Healing Sessions, Journal to Your Center Session, Energy Transmissions, and Deep Dive Healing Sessions. 💥
You deserve to face the shit that’s bothering you and to be FULLY seen for the love that you are, so you can finally see it for yourself.
That’s what we do here with #TeamLove and it’s absolutely magical. 💖
Don’t wait another day. I’ve got you. Learn more and apply here.
