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Stop Blowing Up at Your Partner When You’re Triggered!

Dec 4, 2023 | Enjoy Life, Forgiveness, Love Yourself, The Work

When you’re triggered, it’s showing you what’s up for you to heal. 

It’s often painful and messy. Emotions you’ve tried to suppress for so long can boil up inside you full force, causing you to lash out because your partner didn’t bring home the right brand of ketchup from the store. Asshole. 😂😂😂

But, just because you’re triggered doesn’t mean you have to blame everyone in your household, it doesn’t mean you have to blow up and attack them.

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So, how do you stop blowing up at your partner (or kids) when you’re the one who’s triggered?

  1. Take steps to increase your awareness so you can have a new experience. Name what’s bothering you. Feel the anger, bitterness, abandonment, etc. And recognize that what’s underneath whatever triggered you are only the bullshit beliefs, misunderstandings, and stories you thought kept you safe. Having the wrong brand of ketchup may trigger feelings of “it’s wrong and SHOULD be this brand (control)”, or even “you don’t love me enough to know what ketchup I wanted”. But, those are the lies. And when you name the truth behind the wrong brand of ketchup, you start to loosen the hold the lies have on you. 

  2. Make kindness a household rule. Any time you’re stuck in your triggers, it’s easy to reach for shit consciousness. Why? Because it’s there. Your ego knows what to say to piss off your partner and will do so if you’re not paying attention. Your ego thinks that’s what will keep you safe next time you send them to the store with a carefully curated list. 🙄 If instead, you allow everyone in your household to feel all their feelings, to communicate when they’re angry, hurt, or frustrated, and to do so without attacking each other, it’ll free up space to accept one another exactly as you are. Acceptance feels absolutely AMAZING!!!

  3. Start by being kind to yourself. You can’t give someone a dollar if you don’t have one yourself. Every time you ignore your own wants and needs in favor of making someone else happy, you’re doing yourself a disservice and it’s not kind. Being cruel and hurtful to yourself can be every bit as damaging as having a partner do so to you.

At the end of the day, when you’re not being loving and kind (even to yourself), you can make a new choice and have a new experience. 

When I made kindness a household rule, it made a world of difference. Sure, people still got angry and felt their feelings, but we all did so from the grounded understanding that the goal was to always unpack our emotions with kindness, without attack. 

Once you learn this new way, you’ll automatically have a new experience. It’s in the bag!!! 💜😂

I love you, and I’m cheering you on too.

Rita ❤️


P.S. If you want help clearing your blocks to kindness, sign up for a free Inner Circle Healing Session. The next one is happening December 14th. It will help you learn how to be kinder to yourself by stepping into your full power and no longer denying the truth of who you are. Join my online community The Essentials It’s the perfect introduction to doing your work—and it’s exactly what you need to feel happy starting now.

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Rita is an Intuitive Counselor who works with bright sensitive people who are sick of struggling in their relationships and want to make the pain go away. Though her in-person and online intimate healing retreats and one-on-one sessions, she has helped thousands of people quiet the noise, move forward, and make peace with their past and their present, so that they can heal, be happier, and live a life they love.

I can't wait to see you in the Inner Circle