Since the Healing Intensive (Retreat), I am noticing a greater ease with life. There are a whole lot of things not triggering me like they used to. I am actually amazed at the presence I have had with the kids. I am having more fun with them and have not been getting riled up when their meltdowns happen. It’s really nice.
It also feels like the self-hatred has really loosened. Triggers of not enough, victim, whining have been surfacing lately and I feel more comfortable talking about them. There is internal space for me to be honest with myself and take responsibility. I am not as ashamed about these patterns as I used to be. I can see, hear and touch this little girl inside who so desperately wants validation and am more open to giving it to her rather than just trying to shut her up.
This work is so profound and so subtle at the same time. In many ways my life is not different, it looks the same, but the feeling of my life has changed dramatically. It just feels better. Its like I can’t even describe it as feeling happy, its more normal than that (not that happy isn’t normal) but its just a feeling of being OK. I love this work – it’s not taking me to the places where I originally thought I would go (mountaintop bliss and wisdom), it’s taking me deeper than that to being in relationship with life in a very raw, open and real way. It’s pretty cool – so grounded and humble.