Pandemics – Elections – Insurrections – Relationships – Taxes – Bills. Yowza! When there’s so much going on in our lives, it can be so uncomfortable. Terrifying even.
Our lying, asshole brains will whisper over and over to us, “Control more. It’s the only way to be safe.” If we react out of fear and believe this lie, we’ll try and inevitably fail to control ourselves, everything, and everyone around us.
But as we do our work and get real, the lie becomes obvious. Sure, there are a few things we can control (for example, controlling your bladder is a fine thing 😂). But, we can’t control how others act or what they say and do. We can’t control mother nature, traffic, or cats! And the list goes on and on.
Our attempts at control may not look like what we think.
- For some, it’s endless people pleasing, constantly trying to keep everyone happy at all times. That used to be me. 🙄
- In others, it’s a my-way-or-the-highway attitude that meets rebellion with anger and rejection.
- It can also be self-punishing behaviors like an eating disorder or grueling workouts.
We’re exploring this powerful topic of control throughout April in my monthly program, Journey to Your Center. Want to join this loving, safe community? Learn more here.
It’s a Universal truth that whenever we try to control other people and situations, we’re controlled.
So, why the heck do we do this to ourselves and others if it’s so painful?
Usually it’s because we don’t know a better way. Whenever we don’t feel safe, trust in ourselves, or feel secure, our lying, asshole brain goes from whispering to SHOUTING, “If I control others, I won’t get hurt!” This lie is seductive. It promises safety and comfort. But it’s still a lie.
Control is an illusion. The more we try to control others, the less freedom we have. Our happiness gets tied to the actions and thoughts of others.
What we’re really doing is withholding love from ourselves (and probably those around us). As I discuss in my video, How to have a new experience with your relationships, avoiding being hurt in this way pushes away any chance for an authentic connection. 🙄
One thing you can control is how you think and feel. When you do your work, you physically change your brain, even if you’re only 11 years old. 🧠
Ashley (not her real name) was caught up in an obsessive pattern. She believed she was going to die every time she and her family drove in the car.
She would panic at the thought of driving somewhere. She would physically shake and cry when putting her seatbelt on, begging her mom or dad to wait until she could go through a series of questions: “Are you sure we’re going to be okay? Are you sure we’re not going to die? You’ll drive safely, right?” Her fear and crying would set off her sister crying. Trying to go anywhere was exhausting for everyone.
Other similar obsessive patterns showed up day and night.
For example, Ashley’s brain would tell her that her precious dog would die unless she said the word “refrigerator” out loud three times.
She would relentlessly “do the thing” to try and keep herself and the world around her safe. Her brain was being a bully, holding her hostage, and her entire family too.
In her session, we dug deep into energetically changing the pattern.
We explored how her dog was going to die anyway since to be alive means that someday we will be dead. Hearing this, she grabbed her head and started giggling wildly as she said, “I never thought of it like that.” 🤣
She realized that she was just letting her bully brain be in control whenever she felt compelled to say the word out loud three times. The pattern for her changed significantly as I supported her in clearing the patterns, releasing the charged emotions, and becoming aware of what was happening and why.
That night, after her session, Ashley rode in the car with her Dad and came home to tell her Mom that it was her best car ride EVER and if she ever got afraid again, she would remember this car ride. Releasing her charged emotions changed her brain’s ability to reach for reasoning, instead of reacting irrationally in an effort to keep her safe when no actual danger existed.
Her courage to lean in and feel the intensity of these blocks and limitations not only set her firmly on her road to freedom but also her whole family.
You want control?! Good for you.
Here’s what you can control in a helpful and healthy way.
- Keep promises to yourself.
- Practice loving discipline and find a routine that you can follow when it’s in flow.
- If there are little tweaks and improvements you can create that make life better, go for it.
As long as your happiness or sense of success and fulfilment doesn’t depend on something or someone being a certain way, a little structure and order can go a long way.
My life changed for the better when I started leaning into the power of accepting my life exactly as it is (even when there are some super painful things coming up). It’s a sweet way to live.
Make today the day that you start living a life of freedom. A life you love.
Commit to your own freedom and connection with yourself through Journey to Your Center. Join me and this safe, supportive group where every month, all month long you’ll be supported within a safe space where you can grow, heal, and change in ways that bring clarity to your life – including 5-8 hours of personal time with me.
As one participant shared after a gathering:
“This was such a beautiful session. I feel blessed to be able to watch this and take notes. The new language & the gentle energy… my body wants so badly to replace its angry hurt energy with your warm cup of tea. My body and inner energy are so hungry for this beautiful nourishment and to absorb it so that it pushes out the old tapes of unworthy programming. New inner tapes are going to help tremendously.” 🙏🏼💕✨
Journey to Your Center and commit to yourself in 2021.